


The first night (of the rest of my life)

by Startanewdream



Series: Jily Lives AU [14]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Birthday Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startanewdream/pseuds/Startanewdream
Summary: Remus receives a gift like no other from his best friends.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter
Series: Jily Lives AU [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116542
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	The first night (of the rest of my life)

**Author's Note:**

> The best part of writing stories in a Jily Lives AU is the possibility of making things better for everyone. For Harry, it's the support of his parents. For Sirius, it means no Azkaban, no guilt. And for Remus, this is what I imagine it could mean.
> 
> Happy birthday, Moony.

'And then, I swear I am not making this up, she  _ smiled _ and told me it was about time I called her by her first name'.

Remus raises his eyebrows teasingly.

'I could believe the second part, but the smile?'

'I solemnly swear', James assures him, busy with washing the dishes from Harry’s dinner. 'It only took me seven years after graduation, but now Minerva and I are on a first-name basis’.

Remus laughs.

'You seem even more satisfied than when Lily first called you James'.

'Watch out', Sirius says, entering the kitchen after tucking Harry for the night. 'Or the next we know he will be writing “JP and MM forever” in his notebooks too'.

James flushes.

'You are just jealous that she is still Professor McGonagall to you', he says smugly. 

'And you are too boastful for someone who sees her once a month  _ again' _ , Sirius replies. 'It seems you are still in detention after all these years'.

'Nah, this time she seems actually happy to see me. I even dare to say she is  _ proud  _ of me'.

'What I said? Lily better watch out for you two'.

'Speaking of Lily', Remus pops in, distracted. 'Where is she?'

There is a moment of silence and he raises his eyes to find James and Sirius exchanging a strange look.

'She is still on her work', answers James, his voice carefully light.

Remus frowns.

'It's eight already - I thought she would dine with us'.

'She has been doing some overtime, nothing to worry', James says, shrugging and raising to get them more drinks, though Remus has the distinct feeling he is just trying to get away.

That is Prongs. Whenever he needs to hide something from his friends, he runs as if he is afraid he will admit something under pressure.

It is probably unrelated but Remus suddenly remembers when his friends decided to become animagi and how James had suffered keeping it from him until they finally told him.

The expression of guilt on his face is the same.

'Well, we can have a gentleman's night', Sirius says, his voice loud and excited - just as he acts when he is trying to compensate for something.

Sometimes Remus knows his friends too well.

'Yes, because it's not like tomorrow night is full moon', he notes, raising his brows, looking curious from one to another.

Neither answers. Remus tries to remember the last time he saw Lily; she had been weirdly absent in the last months, and the few times he had met her she'd looked distraught, as if she hadn't been sleeping much.

And there was the day after the last full moon when Remus had woken up in that cabin in the woods to find Lily tending to him, her eyes red from crying as she applied a healing potion to his injuries for the night.

Remus had looked at the cuts in his arms, thinking it was strange she looked so upset with them - there were only the usual cuts that the werewolf had done to himself at some point, not worse than any he had before.

'Lily?', he'd asked, worried, and she raised her green eyes to him.

'I am so  _ sorry, _ Remus', she sniffed, tears dropping from her eyes. 'I'm working on it as fast as I can, I swear…'

Remus had no idea what she was talking about but he hugged her, trying to comfort her, until she calmed herself and dried her eyes.

'Sorry', she said, trying to smile bravely at him. 'I am just sensible today'.

'I got that time of the month too', he said playfully and Lily had let out a reluctant laugh.

But that had been one of the last interactions they had. Any time Remus had come to dinner Lily was not around, returning only late in the night, and even on the weekends, she had been on her work.

'Belby has been that hard on her?', Remus asks, trying to make some sense.

' _ Lily  _ is hard on herself', James answers, with a sigh. 

'Is everything ok…?'

'Yeah, just my workaholic wife'.

'Let's talk about more pressing matters', Sirius cuts in, offering Remus a glass of wine. 'Your birthday party, this Sunday. What do you wanna do?'

Remus shrugs. 

'Nothing, really. Just a cake will be fine'.

'Chocolate cake?', James asks knowingly, just as Sirius shakes his head, indignant.

'No, big party! Think chocolate fountain! Giant balloons! Nice people that I could introduce you to from work!'

Remus smiles.

'You are only thinking of things to entertain  _ yourself _ '.

'The balloons are for Harry', Sirius notes, winking. 'And the guests - I would never date someone from work!'

'As if that could stop you', Remus mocks. Then he grimaces. 'My birthday is only two days after the full moon, I will be too tired'.

Again, Sirius and James exchange that suspicious look.

'Maybe a small party then, but we can call some people. It's a date to celebrate, Moony', James says amicably.

'It's just -'

'And Harry  _ loves _ birthday parties', James adds, grinning at Remus when he shakes his head in defeat.

Using Harry against him is very low, they all know. All three would do anything to make Harry happy.

Well, Remus thinks, Harry will really love the balloons.

'Fine', he agrees, making James and Sirius beam. 'But a small feast. I am not ready for another mess like that Sirius' birthday party'.

'My 24th deserved 24 hours of party', Sirius replies without any shame, and Remus has to smirk at the remembrance of taking Sirius to the hospital after the last hour of his party.

It had been a nice day - all 24 hours of it, even if Remus only lasted the first twelve hours.

* * *

Remus stays in James' house for the night, since he will have to be there the next night for the transformation anyway.

They go to sleep late, almost midnight, but Remus doesn't hear Lily coming home. And when he wakes up the next morning - always early because he can never oversleep -, Lily is already gone, only her cup of tea on the table indicating she was even there.

'James', Remus calls, when his friend enters the kitchen yawning, bringing an excited Harry that runs to hug Remus. 'What's going on with Lily?'

'I told you, Moony -'

'Mama is working!', Harry cries happily. 'Biiiiig project'.

His eyes are open and round, as if Harry is sharing a secret.

'What project?'

'It's for helping people! Mama says she will be back when she finishes and every night she comes to see me and kiss me even if I am sleeping! I miss her but it's for  _ help  _ so she says she has to do it!'

'Calm down, Harry', James asks, grinning at Harry without looking at Remus. 'Eat your breakfast - no chewing with your mouth open'.

'Sirius do it'.

'Yeah, but Uncle Moony doesn't, and who do you think is a better role model?'

Harry giggles.

'I have some errands to do today, Moony, could you watch over Harry for me?'

Remus nods.

'Yeah, but… what's this project?'

'Just something that's been driving Lily eager to finish it'.

'Oh. Okay, but… she shouldn't stress herself so much - I didn't even hear she coming home last night -'

'I know', James interrupts him, a line of worry on his forehead as if he is in a conflict. 'But - it's for a good cause and… she knows what she is doing'.

He doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it, so Remus just frowns to himself and goes to share breakfast with Harry, hoping everything is alright with Lily - and between her and James.

He spends the day together with Harry, with Remus mostly trying to keep up with Harry's energy - that kid is truly James' son because Harry seems to think any time he is not running or playing is a waste of time. Usually, Remus could deal with it just fine, but the proximity of the full moon night always makes him feel exhausted, as if anticipating how he will be worn out the next day.

In the afternoon, Harry seems to notice he is down because he puts down his figure toys to look at Remus.

'Are you ok, Uncle Moony?’, he asks, worried, looking very much like his mother when he is frowning.

‘Yes, yes, Harry. Continue your story - so the stag went with the dog to the lake, then what?’

‘They are waiting for the wolf’, Harry shrugs, pointing to the tiny wolf toy in Remus’s hand. ‘But you look tired… do you want to nap?’

‘No, I’m awake’.

‘Is it because of your flu?’

Remus sighs, nodding without saying anything. They never really explained to Harry what exactly was Remus’ condition, though Remus knows that Harry will soon be old enough to understand. They just told him Remus was sick every month and at some point, Harry had started talking about it as “the flu”, something no one had corrected him.

They all agree it is Remus’ call when to talk about it and Remus knows he is the one postponing. It's not that he doubts that James and Lily could explain it to Harry in a way that he could understand - it's just an irrational fear that this boy, who considers him his uncle, who is always so eager to hug him and treat him normally, may look differently at him if he knows what Remus is.

It would break his heart.

'We can do other things', Harry says brightly, picking up his toys to store them. 'We can read!'

Harry chooses a book that he seems to know by heart, speaking even before Remus can read it out loud to him. Harry is lying with the head on his lap, allowing Remus to mess with his dark hair the way Harry loves to copy his father, while he reads the story, and Remus just feels happy.

'You and dad will be on an adventure tonight?', Harry asks at some point in the story, as the hero is leaving for his quest with the help of his friend.

'We will. And Sirius too'.

'I wish I could go', Harry says in a lamented voice. 'But Mom tells me it is in the woods and I can't go there'.

Remus has a sudden vision of Harry - little bright Harry, not even five yet, going alone in the woods while he is transformed - a moment of distraction for James and Sirius and then the werewolf, always hungry for humans, would lose it…

'NO!', he screams, making Harry jump, suddenly afraid. 'You can never go into the woods when we are there, Harry, promise this!'.

Harry is pale, his lips trembling, but he nods. Remus feels his heart calming down slowly, just as reason comes back to him. James always puts spells around the house to make sure Harry won't leave, knowing the danger it would represent; he is careful that nothing will happen to Harry or Lily.

Remus takes a deep breath.

'I am sorry for yelling, Harry', he says, offering his hands in peace and Harry comes back to him, trusting as always. 'I was just scared. It's dangerous out there'.

'You go there', he whispers. 'I wanna be brave like Dad'.

'When you become an animal too you can go', he says, smiling, and after a second Harry returns the smile too, picking up the book fallen on the floor.

'Preferably a registered one', they hear a tired voice saying from the door and, when they turn, they see Lily smiling upon them.

'Mama!', Harry cries, running to her, and Lily kneels to allow Harry to hug her. 'I miss you!'

'I missed you too', she says, kissing him in the forehead. 'We will be together more now, okay?’

‘Big project is done?’

‘I sure hope so. Why don't you go upstairs with Sirius for a shower?'

'Can I use your bathtub?'

'You can, but only if Sirius promises not to change into a dog there', she replies, throwing a warning look at Sirius, besides her. He just grins.

'What can I say? It's easy to make the kid bath when he is playing'.

'Last time there was black fur  _ everywhere _ '.

Sirius shrugs, a playful gleam in his eyes, and he winks at Harry, who runs to his side.

'He will turn into a dog anyway, you know that, right?', Remus asks when they are alone. Lily laughs.

'Yeah, but they both enjoy it more when they think I am forbidding', she says unworriedly, coming to sit next to Remus. James comes too, staying up, a hand on Lily's shoulder as if in support while the other holds a goblet with a boiling potion.

Remus watches Lily. She looks even wearier than he feels with the full moon hours away, but there is an expression on her face, of satisfaction for a work well-done, that it makes him think, for a moment, that she would have been a great Marauder back in school.

'How you doing, Lils?', he asks. 'You've been overworking as far as -'

'It was for a good cause', Lily interrupts him. 'We were so close to finish it, I couldn't stop'.

'Stop what?'

'This', she says, picking up the goblet on James' hand and offering him. He wrinkles his nose at the smell. 'It's the Wolfsbane Potion'.

'Wolfsbane…?'

'Belby and I have been working on it for years, but in the last months we advanced finally. It took us a lot of time to fix the proportion of aconite without being fatal, and then how to prepare but… it's for helping werewolves'.

Remus feels his mouth dry.

'What do you mean?', he asks in a small voice.

Lily's smile is kind.

'We can't cure you, but this potion can help you to maintain your thoughts while you are transformed. You won't lose your mind anymore'.

'I - I can be myself?'

'Your wolfish version', James agrees. 'If you take the potion, tonight you can see how much fun Prongs and Padfoot are for yourself'.

Remus blinks, still struggling to understand. Keeping his mind while a werewolf would mean for once not being a danger to anyone, for once being in control, and would mean being as much a participant as Sirius and James instead of… instead of a wild monster.

'I - I don't know what to say -'

'Just promise you won't complain about the taste', Lily quips, winking at him. 'We couldn’t add anything or it could hinder -’

‘I would drink from Snape’s old panties if it meant -’

‘I don’t think it’s  _ that bad _ ’, James says quickly, while Lily rolls her eyes. Remus gives a nervous laugh.

‘I really can’t thank you enough - it means so much to -’

‘You deserve some peace, Remus’, Lily assures him. ‘Not only you, but everyone that faces the same condition. I’ve talked to Belby - we want to make sure this potion is available for every werewolf in the country’.

‘This - it could make a difference -'

'It's what we hope for', James says. 'Maybe even sponsor an institute for it - we know how most hide their condition, so there is much work to do -'

'But that's a work in progress. For now, Remus, just drink so it will work for tonight - for the next month you will have to drink everyday on the week before the full moon, but -'

He doesn't expect her to finish, drinking the potion in one long gulp. Lily was right; the taste is really horrible, but he doesn't mind. All he can taste is the freedom of fears of being a werewolf.

'Thank you', he whispers, looking at Lily, feeling very much like the time he found out his friends were becoming animagi for him. 'Thank you  _ so much _ '.

'Happy early birthday, Remus', she says kissing him on the cheek.

* * *

The transformation is painful as always as if his body is fighting itself to not become a wolf - it's nothing like the smooth transformations of James and Sirius, whose animal versions seem to be just an extension of who they are.

But for once Remus doesn't lose track in the middle of the pain, doesn't feel his mind hiding to that safe dark spot on his brain where it always takes refuge in full moon nights while the wolf dominates his body.

Instead, he remains watching everything and when the pain finally fades away, when his human cries turn into a howl, he sees all the differences for the first time. He sees how he is on fours now, his body much bigger and stronger, with a soft grey fur covering it; he is warm, even though he can feel the cold wind trembling softly his fur. He can see even differently, the wolf vision the same as if it were during the day, only the colours a little off. There are also so many scents and sounds, much more than he knows he could comprehend with his normal human senses.

It's a little overwhelming, but exciting too. This must be what James and Sirius always commented about being an animal, why they were so addicted to being this other version of themselves.

And speaking of them, Remus hears the soft sound of steps on leaves and he turns almost without thinking, just reacting to some instinct of self-defence.

The stag and the dog walk calmly, side by side, and then he calms down; he recognizes his friends, and for the first time Remus truly appreciates the sight of his two best friends, how majestic the stag is and how wild the dog looks. No wonder the werewolf learned to respect them.

But Remus doesn't need to  _ respect _ them. He can just love them.

He jumps on them, playing, but both animals must have too much practice, so they just let Remus land in the middle of them, circling him as if Remus is the prey instead of the hunter. It's a play, a silly game of tag that ends with the dog fondly biting his neck in winning, but Remus doesn't mind losing.

He is winning much more and he knows it.

They show him the woods, indicating their favourite spots - a hot spring water that comes out of the stones forming a nice small lake for relaxing, a big meadow where the stag lays down lazily under the moonlight, a place full of rabbits hole that the dog enjoys hunting.

Then they return to the cabin in the woods just as the moon is setting and Remus mopes, for the first time, that this full moon night was strangely short. It always seemed longer when he lost consciousness.

But this time there is no change, no sudden waking up with fear as he turns back into his human self, and then, as it happened a hundred times before, James and Sirius are there helping him put back his clothes and lifting him to the bedroom so he can rest.

His body hurts from the transformation, though Remus knows that, for once, he is not injured in any way. But the best part is having his mind perfectly well, healed, knowing for sure that he didn't hurt anyone tonight.

He feels the tiredness winning when he stares at his two best friends.

'Thank you', he whispers, thinking it's not for tonight he is grateful for, but for the last ten years of company on full moon nights - and even more years of friendship.

The words can't leave his mouth, but they nod, their smiling faces coming out of focus as Remus' eyelids finally close, and his last coherent thought is that, for the first time, Prongs, Padfoot and Moony truly rode together.


End file.
